Sample Chapter:
As promised, here is a sample of part of a chapter I’m working on for my new book All the Kings Horses.
You should know before you read this chapter, that it is not intended for anyone under the age of fourteen. It’s not graphic, though there are sexual suggestions as well as violence.
This chapter has not been edited, so please don’t leave comments about grammar or punctuation errors. I’m also terribly sorry about the paragraphs being as they are, hard to use proper indentation on a blog, so I just separated them for easy reading.
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Elle is the main character in this novel. She and Benjamin had been a couple in high school up until he and his parents had made the decision to move to a new town. Before he left, Elle informed him she was pregnant with his child, though it wasn’t enough to make him stay. All that she received from Ben was a letter stating he didn’t want to be a part of either of their lives.
Six years later, Elle has a beautiful little girl named Arabella and a new boyfriend, James. Her life is going smoothly until the man of her past comes back into her world like a firework show, demanding his parental rights. You’ll have to wait for the book to learn the rest!
Here’s the sample of a chapter I’m working on:
–The Twist–
Benjamin had called to take Arabella out for a quick ice cream cone before I started her nightly rituals. It started with a bath, moved on to a snack, and then a bedtime story before I finally tucked her into bed. These were things I had to do for her before I was able to start my own nightly rituals. Before I was even allowed to selfishly think of soaking in a bubble bath or watching a few programs on television. She always came first.
I had to admit that he was getting better. Benjamin was calling now when he wanted to spend some time with Ari, rather than showing up unannounced and sparking argument after argument with me. Of course, I would have to let him know that taking her out this late on a school night would not be acceptable as often as he was likely wanting, perhaps I could put aside an hour a day for him to take her out providing the situation between her father and I continued to get better.
I had turned most of the lights off in the house, wanting my home to be as relaxing as possible now that I had a little bit of time to myself. I had my white bathrobe wrapped tightly around my naked body, keeping me warm as I waited on the water for my bath to run. Despite my anger towards the way life had caught up with me, despite the anger I still held towards Benjamin for intruding in on both Arabella and myself the way he did, I truly appreciated these little moments I had to myself thanks to him.
The sound of the front door opening and closing and me audibly sighing to myself. I had been too slow. I had savored the moments selfishly for too long and I had effectively wasted what little time I had.
Making sure that my bathrobe was secured as tightly as I could manage, I walked into the kitchen in hopes of meeting them both. I couldn’t wait to see the mess Arabella had gotten into, her little face likely covered in layers of ice cream. Her clothes probably stained beyond salvation, her hair matted to her face, coated in the sticky aftermath. It was a good thing that I had already started running the bath, for my little monster would have to be thrown into one right away.
Thinking about the mess that my daughter would be coming home in had occupied my mind as I made my way across the kitchen to the point that I hadn’t been expecting anybody else. My mind had made an assumption and a conclusion which only provoked a sense of shock that I received upon seeing a man standing in the doorway, a man that was most certainly not Benjamin.
“Sorry if I scared yah,” I recognized the voice immediately.
“James? What are you doing here, it’s late.”
“It’s not that late,” his voice sounded almost annoyed. As if I had said something wrong. “It’s not like Ari’s in bed.”
“Benjamin called to take her out for ice cream before I settled her down for the night, it’s the first time we haven’t fought over him wanting to spend time with her.” I must have been smiling as I spoke, for I could see the jealousy strike across James’ face like lightning. “Of course, I’ll have to talk to him about taking her out so late; she’ll be too grumpy in the mornings. Maybe the three of us could sit down and discuss good times for him to take her, –“
“You honestly think I’m going to sit at a table while you practically undress each other with your eyes?!”
I couldn’t help but roll my eyes, nor did I make any attempt to conceal it. This wasn’t the first time that James had overreacted since Benjamin had come back into my life after so many years apart, though each time his green-eyed monster surfaced, it was more intimidating and more frightening than before.
Of course, James was completely wrong. I was too angry with Benjamin to feel any sort of sexual attraction to him. He had hurt me so brutally, such seemingly simple things looked impossible to me. I didn’t think I’d ever be able to look at him again, let alone the same way I had in high school. Things were too different now. We were too different.
“If you came here to start a fight James… I just don’t have it in me right now. I’ve spent so much time and energy fighting with Ben; I can’t do it with you, too.”
“I didn’t come here to fight with you.” Seemingly simple words, though I had trouble believing them. “I came here to prove to you… to show you how much I love you.”
“Can we do this later, James? I really don’t have the time! I’m expecting Arabella back anytime now; I can’t afford to be irresponsible for even a second. Not with Ben back for his parental rights.”
I watched as he took a step towards me, a large smirk painted across his face. I took a step back upon noticing just how dark his eyes seemed to be. Dark and unloving, despite his attempt to convince me that he was here to prove his devotion to me. Then again, love and devotion were two separate things.
“Don’t run away from me, Elle.”
How could I not? This wasn’t the same man that I had been with for the past few months, this was someone else. He was fuel led only by jealousy and the need to win. I was so tired of trying to show him that he had nothing to prove, that he had nothing to win. I was already his. It didn’t seem to be sinking in, he did not understand that.
I didn’t bother to say another word, I wasn’t going to let him ruin the first relaxing night I’ve had in quite a while.
Turning my back on him as he stood in the doorway, I made my way back to the bathroom. I was positive I’d let the water run far too long, my assumption proven correct. The bubbles were barely contained in the large basin which only urged me to shut the water off as quickly as possible. At least they hadn’t found their way onto the tiled floor, I wasn’t sure if I had the patience to clean up another mess today.
My fingers skimmed along the surface of the water, a smile on my lips at the warmth. I knew I’d certainly feel terrible later on for the way that I had just treated my boyfriend, though what else was I supposed to have done? Didn’t I deserve a half an hour to myself after almost seven years of commitment to another being’s happiness?
The bathroom door was pushed open, not that I’d closed it completely upon entering. I didn’t like knowing that I might not be able to hear my daughter when she returned and having the door closed would insure that. I had left it open a crack, just enough to let the sounds from around the house slide past, though apparently I hadn’t left it open enough to allow myself to hear the stealth steps that lingered closer until he was standing directly behind me.
“You’re turning me down so that you can wait up for him?”
“I’m turning you down so I can have a minute to myself!”
I wasn’t sure why my reasoning wasn’t valid in his eyes. Wasn’t there ever a time when James just needed a few minutes to himself? Had he never needed just a few moments alone? To relax and collect his thoughts after they had been scattered and thoroughly abused for days on end.
Before I had time to verbally protest, he had my back against the tiled bathroom wall, his hands firmly gripping my hips as if he knew I would physically protest against his body. He wasn’t entirely wrong.
“You don’t need to be afraid, Elle. I’m only here to show you that you belong with me. We belong together, baby. We really do. I’d been waiting for you since college,” he said. His voice partially crazed.
“James,” I was starting to sob now. “You don’t want to do this… please.”
“I want to do this.” His mouth went to my throat as he spoke, planting several sloppy kisses across my skin. “I know you want it, too.”
His large hands moved to unfasten my robe, forcing the terrycloth material to drop to the cold bathroom floor. My hands moved to cover my body from his hungry eyes, but he had caught me before I could, effectively pinning both of my hands above my head with only one of his in restraint.
My struggles against his large body seemed to be infuriating him more than I had already done. Without hesitation, he furiously took one of my nipples into his mouth and sucked against it almost violently before biting down on it. I heard the scream escape my lips, though I hadn’t registered it as my own until it had ceased.
“That’s it, baby. Scream for me,” he growled out.
I was still struggling despite my arms being kept forcefully above my head, though to no avail. I allowed my legs to collapse and my body to fall to the floor. The weight of the pull forced James down on top of me since he still had a firm grip on my bruising wrists.
I was writing and kicking frantically, my arms twisting and turning in his grip as I attempted frantically to free myself. My bare chest was heaving with each terrified sob, my cheeks stained with my wet tears.
“Lay still, baby,” his breath against my face, the same breath that used to give me butterflies in the pit of my stomach was now revolting. “I know you want this just as badly as I do. Don’t make it difficult.”
The hand that wasn’t keeping my wrists locked together was stroking my wet cheek as he spoke. His words were soft, seducing in the most repulsing of ways. I thrashed my head from side to side wildly, trying to escape his simple touch. This seemed to frustrate James, for his hand disappeared from my face in an instant. For a moment it vanished behind his back, reappearing once his hand found what it had been looking for. The silver object gleamed in the light of the bathroom, the cold steel of the knife chilling the skin along my chest.
“Much better,” his voice was much calmer as he spoke. That same, disgusting smirk plastered along his face as my body went limp in defeat. “You have an uncanny ability to make every situation in your life much harder than it has to be.”
“Please…” my voice trembled as it tried to recover from hysterics. “Please don’t do this…”
“Shhh,” his voice was nothing more than his personal attempt at a sweet whisper. A whisper that made my stomach lurch as he placed one of his index fingers against my lips.
His lips were attacking my neck and throat again, selfishly and sloppily claiming what was no longer his. His hand kept a firm hold on my wrists while his other trailed the cold steel knife down my chest, along my upper abdomen and finally across my stomach. My breathing hitched and my eyes clamped shut as I waited for pain, for a feeling so excruciating my screams would echo throughout the entire town, though it never came. I waited. I listened, hearing only the sound of his zipper being pulled down.
“Do you like when I’m bad?”
His question sparked a crazed fury inside of me, a sudden strength now coursing through my veins. My sore wrists pushed up against his single hand, forcing his upper body to move a few inches away from mine. This gave me enough space to pull my knees up to my chest, plant my bare feet against his stomach and forcefully kick him off.
The moment I was free from the prison his body had created over me, I was kicking myself away from him as forcefully and as quickly as possible. Scrambling to get up, scrambling to crawl as quickly as I could manage to the door. His hand wrapped around my left ankle which in return triggered my right foot to connect with his jaw. His hand tightened, pulling me further back into the bathroom despite my struggling and my heavy sobbing.
“All you had to do was behave, Elle,” his words were condescending, as if scolding a child for doing something that they knew they shouldn’t have done to begin with. “I warned you, didn’t I? Told you not to run from me…”
His big hands pressed down on my back, pushing my stomach against the cold tiles that covered the bathroom floor, though I refused to cease my attempts at freedom. My entire being hurt from crying, the feeling of my body being pressed tighter against the floor with each sob just added to the pain, though it was nothing to the searing that attacked my lower side.
I didn’t have to turn my head back to know what had happened. I knew James had a knife with him, I had seen it with my own two eyes. I had felt it against my skin, running along my body, and now I was feeling it slicing through my skin. I was sure I was screaming; I had to be. The pain was too unbearable to endure it in silence, but I couldn’t hear myself. I couldn’t see anything; I couldn’t think about anything, I couldn’t feel anything, at least nothing other than the pain. Burning, searing, stabbing, and throbbing. It was like a virus, creeping further and further away from the initial wound, spreading like a plague. I faintly felt a hand brushing through the hair on the back of my head, almost in a soothing attempt to calm me, though it did no such thing.
The pressure of James’ body pining mine down was gone, taking the tiniest portion of pain along with it. It was easier to breathe without his added weight.
He was standing at the sink, cleaning his knife of any biological evidence that it had made contact with my body. He was cleaning his tracks, covering up the truth, creating his own story. I wondered what that meant for me. Clearly I could testify about what he had done… what he and tried to do to me. Had he not thought about that, or did he already have a plan? Clearly killing me would work to his benefit, though would he really lower himself to that?
I didn’t have to ask myself that twice, I already knew the answer.
That was all the motivation that I needed to pick myself up from the floor in the slowest and the quietest way possible. His eyes were focused on the knife beneath the running water and luckily not on the mirror before him where he would have been able to see my escape.
I hadn’t felt the pain, the head rush or the dizziness until after I had forced myself out of the bathroom. My feet moving as quickly as I could manage given my current state, my hand pressed firmly against my side in a attempt to stop the blood flow that seemed to increase with each of my movements. I didn’t bother grabbing keys, a knife, anything. I was so close to the front door, I knew that all I had to do was make it outside, suck in one big breath and let out a scream loud enough to alert my neighbors to what was going on.
I made my way through the living room, forcing myself to move faster as I closed in on the kitchen. I could see the front door, it was swaying in the nights breeze after James had left it open. A few more breaths, a few more feet, a few more steps…
A startled yelp escaped my lips as a tugging against my hair began dragging me backwards. Further and further away from my freedom. I refused to let my legs collapse, knowing I no longer possessed enough strength to kick the man off me should the need to do so arise once again, so instead I followed in backwards steps, my hands tugging against the one his that was wrapped around my loose curls.
Another tug against my hair and I was being forced down onto my knees, though it wasn’t for sexual purposes. I could tell, thanks to the look on his face that James was no longer interested in trying to obtain me like that anymore. He was finishing what he has started. He was finishing my life.
“Please, James… I’m not with Ben. He’s only here for Arabella,” my voice was weak and exhausted.
“You don’t think I see the way that he looks at you?” His grip on my hair tightened, his hand pushing my head forward until it collided with the glass coffee table. I heard it shatter; I could feel it give way beneath the blow. “You don’t think I see the way you look at him?”
I didn’t respond. There was a distracting trickling coming from my forehead, a red haze blinding me as the blood streamed down my face.
“You are mine, Elle.”
I didn’t make a single sound as his boot connected painfully with my stomach, forcing is to tumble back onto the shards of glass that covered my living room floor. I didn’t struggle to get up; I didn’t make any more plans to escape. I simply gave in to the darkness longing to cover my eyes as it inched further and further north, pulling me under…
You Belong With Me!
Alright, alright. I know I’ve been failing to update my blog lately and there’s really no valid excuses for it other than I’ve been increasingly lazy and increasingly busy. So here I am at 10:00am on a Saturday morning, making an effort to get everyone up to date.
Things have been going really well! I’ve started yet another new book – been toggling back and forth between the four of them, though I have a feeling this new one will make it to market before the rest. I’m oddly inspired to finish it. I’ll be keeping everyone updated on that as I go along.
I would like to give a massive shout out to my friends Melissa and Nolan McNabb who happen to be spending their 10th anniversary in Europe without me! They’ve made it up to me, however, by proposing to me in front of the coliseum. There’s a rumor they have another photo for me from Nolan while in Paris – can’t wait to see it!
Lastly, I’d like to thank one of my amazing friends Cloe Beaudoin for not only putting up with me over this past year, but for finally fulfilling my dream by covering a Taylor Swift song for me. Enjoy!
Wazzup, Friday?!
Friday is totally my favorite day of the week, mainly because I know I don’t have to do anything important for the next two days. Then again, I don’t really do much at all as it is. I suppose that should take away from the happiness I get waking up on a Friday morning (or afternoon, in my case lately,) but it doesn’t.
I’ve had an interesting week. The most recent interesting event is finding out that apparently… I’m Jesus. Seriously! I had about ten females (at a time) ambush me over a tiny feud that I wasn’t involved in at all. I’m not even joking – I had absolutely nothing to do with it, yet ten women came storming towards me to drag me in. I honestly was too busy laughing at the comedy of the extent people were coming to me, rather than bitching about the fact that I was being dragged in. The problem itself wasn’t too bad – it was just a lot of misunderstandings, a lot of “he said, she said” and whatnot. Not to mention one of them was running around telling EVERYONE (involved or not) ONLY her side of things which just made things twice as bad.
I know that us Canadians are known to be the “peace keepers” of the world and whatnot, but I think it’s pretty much the country, banded together that does that sort of thing, not one… 5’1″ red head from the Atlantic country side. I assume they all believe I’m Jesus, because I honestly felt like each of them wanted me to raise a staff in the air and yell something like “LET THERE BE SILENCE!” … And it was good.
In other news: My mother has decided the best way to treat my 16 year old sister (after having her drop out of school two days into her eleventh grade), is to take her (and myself) on a trip to Washington. Apparently my father isn’t invited, which blows. A fucking week stranded with my mother and sister is enough to make me pull a Picasso and cut my ears off. Washington though – I’m generally excited for. Have never been there! Courtney (my sister) wants to visit “the Twilight school” and “the Twilight field”, etc… etc… I just want to take pictures of, you know, the interesting things. not quite sure what’s in Washington, though I bet there are prettier sights than the places they filmed Twilight at.
My mother’s also tossing around the idea of spending some time in New York, which is my fucking dream come true. The thought of me, spending time in the one place I’ve wanted to visit all of my life is like a million orgasms, two hundred new born puppies and a set of baby triplets piled into one big birthday present. Best.Thing.Ever. I really want to see some of the Broadway productions, that’s my big reason for going. I don’t care about designer labels and all of that bullshit, I’ll probably B-line for the nearest Wal*Mart – but ugh… think of the photos I could take. So excited.
In more news: I’ve spent the better half of my week on Skype – something I promised myself I would never get addicted to like my other friends. It’s pathetically sad how one conversation has me signing in as often as I sign into Digsby. I met some fairly interesting people, quite pleased with the outcome. They’re all amazingly sweet and I adore them after only a few short days – clearly a good sign. Of course, because of my new addiction (which is overpowering my twitter addiction), I’ve lost a bit of sleep. Caught up on it today… or at least was supposed to, until the flu (not swine) decided to kick my ass into last Tuesday. I was throwing up all night, sleeping on the bathroom floor for a good portion of the day. Now, my back is killing me. I can’t even think about food without feeling nauseated, and my skin is so pale (and unsparkley) that I look like one of Anne Rice’s vampires. Sick.
La la la… Not sure what to do other than all of this. Of course, I have to give a shout out to my girlie girl, Cloé Beaudoin, a fellow Canadian singer-songwriter who is honestly so, so talented. I posted one of her youtube videos below, please check her out!
Personal Quote Of The Day: “I am the type of person that could watch killer whales eating seals on the internet and cry because I will never be able to do that.”
Now, as requested by a few on Digsby, I come bearing one of my OWN songs. (I’m not singing it, don’t worry.) Please be reminded that the following material is copyrighted by myself ( Kimberlee-Shantel) as well as through Creative Commons copyright (Link: http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-nd/3.0/) Anyways, this is a song I wrote and will be working with in March so, I hope y’all like it!
A Different Side Of You:
What happened to this man I loved?
He seems so broken.
Used to be the air I breathed,
But now I’m choking.
Lying, tonight in hell.
I’ve lost myself,
Again.
What happened to your promises?
The lies you told me.
Used to be the words I needed,
You used them to control me.
Crying, to myself,
I need your help,
Again.
And I never would have taught,
Myself to love you.
And I never would have thought,
You could be as cold as ice.
I never could believe,
The way,
You said it was over.
But I knew…
That was a different side of you.
Six months of only dial tones,
I feel forgotten.
Lost in my damaged thoughts,
Abandoned and rotting.
Praying, to see your face,
Light up my day’s,
Again.
I thank my friends I love so much,
The one’s that hold me.
The ones that picked these pieces up,
And try to force me,
To look, inside
Forget the places that I hide,
Again.
And I never would have taught,
Myself to love you.
And I never would have thought,
You could be as cold as ice.
I never could believe,
The way,
You said it was over.
But I knew…
That was a different side of you.
I close my eyes, I fold my hands,
I pray I learn to breathe again.
The tears that fall, and stain the floor,
I pray one day, they’ll fall no more.
The blood that drowns these empty dreams,
I pray drowns me, and drowns these screams…
I have to keep holding myself tight,
To keep from breaking again at night.
And I never would have taught,
Myself to love you.
And I never would have thought,
You could be as cold as ice.
I never could believe,
The way,
You said it was over.
But I knew…
That was a different side.
And I never would have taught,
Myself to love you.
And I never would have fought for,
Everything we had.
I never could believe,
The way,
You walked away.
But I knew…
This was a different side of you.
A different side of you.
I close my eyes, I fold my hands,
To breathe again….
A Different Side Of You
What happened to this man I loved?
He seems so broken.
Used to be the air I breathed,
But now I’m choking.
Lying, tonight in hell.
I’ve lost myself,
Again.
What happened to your promises?
The lies you told me.
Used to be the words I needed,
You used them to control me.
Crying, to myself,
I need your help,
Again.
And I never would have taught,
Myself to love you.
And I never would have thought,
You could be as cold as ice.
I never could believe,
The way,
You said it was over.
But I knew…
That was a different side of you.
Six months of only dial tones,
I feel forgotten.
Lost in my damaged thoughts,
Abandoned and rotting.
Praying, to see your face,
Light up my day’s,
Again.
I thank my friends I love so much,
The one’s that hold me.
The ones that picked these pieces up,
And try to force me,
To look, inside
Forget the places that I hide,
Again.
And I never would have taught,
Myself to love you.
And I never would have thought,
You could be as cold as ice.
I never could believe,
The way,
You said it was over.
But I knew…
That was a different side of you.
I close my eyes, I fold my hands,
I pray I learn to breathe again.
The tears that fall, and stain the floor,
I pray one day, they’ll fall no more.
The blood that drowns these empty dreams,
I pray drowns me, and drowns these screams…
I have to keep holding myself tight,
To keep from breaking again at night.
And I never would have taught,
Myself to love you.
And I never would have thought,
You could be as cold as ice.
I never could believe,
The way,
You said it was over.
But I knew…
That was a different side.
And I never would have taught,
Myself to love you.
And I never would have fought for,
Everything we had.
I never could believe,
The way,
You walked away.
But I knew…
This was a different side of you.
I close my eyes, I fold my hands,
To breathe again….
MY TOUCH MY PEE PEE!
So I have loads to blog about tonight since my sister has been looking over my shoulder all day, leaving me unable to do much blogging at all. Don’t worry, this long piece of nonsense isn’t venting or ranting about pointless shit, it’s pretty hilarious.
First Funny Of The Day:
Peter Facinelli updated twitter earlier with a post that seriously had me roaring in laughter.
Peter: My day at the park…” Is that the unibomber? No, just PFach trying to stay pale. “
Onto other, more dull news… Nothing has happened today. Absolutely nothing. I twittered with my twitter-whores whom I love more than any! Shout out to @missgibberish, @Samieze, @ReAnNa_R, @nikcz.
Other than that, nothing too interesting. Might be homeschooling my 16 year old sister (Courtney AKA the one I blog about). Got to talk to my Lauren-Boo a bit before she went to do some reading for University, brought up the idea of me moving to Nevada with her in January. A one way IS cheaper than a round trip.
Second Funnies Of The Day:
My little sister – though terribly annoying – can be generally funny the more she grows up. Here are a few great quotes we had today:
Courtney: “What did you just throw at me?”
Mom: “A piece of blood.”
——————————————————–
Courtney: “Guess who’s following me on Twitter?”
Me: “Who?”
Courtney: “Transsexual Dates”
Me: “HA! Now you actually HAVE a chance!”
——————————————————–
Courtney: “Hey! Delete that picture! My leg looks like an elephant foot!”
——————————————————–
Courtney: “I don’t pick ass, just wedgies. Don’t quote me, I’m shy.”
——————————————————–
Me: “Hey Court? You’re on this ep of ‘House’ “
Courtney: *Reads info* “An obese ten year old..- HEY!”
——————————————————–
Here’s To You And Your Temper
As a woman, men are naturally my kryptonite. No, wait, better analogy – they’re my heroine. Addictive and dangerous. There’s never a potentially safe dose, no matter what pretty little lies the drug feeds you, or the one selling it.
I’ve been pretty anti-romance after my last relationship mainly because it was very controlling on his behalf. I wasn’t allowed to go out or have a party without him calling me every five minutes, I couldn’t meet new people without him getting really jealous and starting drama over it, and I certainly wasn’t allowed to feel any negative emotions. Perhaps that’s why I’m so bitter towards men, that and the countless (and sickeningly similar) relationships I’ve had in the past. I’ve been cheated on, hurt, unsupported, left, lead on, controlled, and much worse beyond that.
As of now, I’ve been mostly looking at men as friends, and friends only. One of my closest friends at this current point in time is in fact a male (though he’s nothing compared to my beautiful bitches, Lauren, Heathyr, Kay, etc…) though now I’m contemplating ignoring men all together. Primarily because they never grow up – they throw temper tantrums over such small things, they’re so uptight and clingy and it’s just irritating beyond belief. They’re seriously the new “women”. Us girls are out working our asses off, being successful and what not while the men bitch that we’re never home.
They seriously need to grow the fuck up.
K I’m done.
10:47pm, I Take Back A Fuck-You
So as much as I loath my 16 year old sister, sometimes she can be pretty kick ass. … In the right light … after a few pints of vodka … and after I’ve gone blind and deaf. Tonight, she has proven more than ever that she is a raging moron. A funny one at that. I will update with more quotes from my idiotic sister as the night progresses. She’s turned my Saturday frown semi-upside-down.
In other news: She also looks like the guy from silence of the lambs. You know, the one that tucks his penis back. Her come back is that I look like the (wo)man from Tokio hotel. Good one, Buffalo Bill.
Courtney: “Hey, Shantel? Is it legal for an eighteen year old to… you know… date a two year old?”
Me: …
Courtney: “Just wondering, you know…”
Me: … “I knew it.”
Courtney: “It’s just, I always thought it was legal, cause they’re under eighteen.”
Me: … “Stay away from Piper. She’s only three.”
————————————————————–
Courtney: *Puts her hand over my face:
Me: … *Lays still*
Courtney: “I just picked my ass.”
Me: … ARGGGGGGGG. *Flails*
Courtney: “You better not put that on your blog.”
Me: *Typing up the above quote*
Courtney: “That’s it. I’LL START PRESSING RANDOM BUTTONS!”
Me: *Roars*
Courtney: “Can you at least put that I was joking/picking a wedgie?”
Me: *Types exactly what she says*
Courtney: *Spazz* “STOP PUTTING EVERYTHING I’M SAYING!”
————————————————————–
Courtney: “There’s a mentally challenged kid that goes to my school…”
*Long pause*
In unison: *Roars*
This picture seems fitting. Especially since it looks like my sister is jacking off… To two year olds.
Fuck You, Saturday
Saturday morning, and I’m not even sure what I’m expected/supposed to be doing today. I know I have plans with a friend later on tonight, but other than that… Nothing. So I find myself sitting on the sofa at 2:05 pm after only just waking, watching Criss Angel – Mindfreak. It’s not terribly interesting to be honest, I find it’s always the same. Sure, he uses different acts each time, but in the end he always disappears right as something bad happens and and pops up in the crowd somewhere. They see him alive, and cheer, etc… Come up with some new shit, please.
In other news, I went against my better judgment and dove into a book I adore, but know better than to read. I always end up in tears, but I just couldn’t resist myself after watching Fracture yesterday (with Billy Burke). After that, I had a craving to read the passage in New Moon where Charlie Swan is revealing to Alice just how much pain Bella was in after Edward had left – and it always has me bawling my eyes out. I don’t even care if everyone thinks I’m a giant douche bag for adoring Twilight – chances are everyone that doesn’t like it, just can’t read. HAHA, you don’t know what you’re missing.
On the topic of reminiscing about last night, Lauren found one of the most hilarious texts on TFLN and related it to me. I’m almost positive it was the funniest thing I had ever heard in my entire existence, mainly because just moments before I was cursing her up and down in French, and no one could understand me, so here’s the quote:
Lauren: “Shantel, Nobody understood you. You kept speaking French and hiding shit in your boobs”
On the topic of Lauren (sorry for jumping around from topic to topic so much, have so much stuff to cram into one post and I’m just too lazy to write it out properly), I’ve been asked (at gun point) to give her a shout out on my blog. Apparently the first entry on my blog with a massive shout out to her isn’t enough.
Lauren, for those who don’t know her, is one of my best friends. I met her a few months ago an in all honest, we are long lost sisters – sometimes I’m sure of it. At the same time, we’re so different from each other that it’s refreshing. Sure, we share sick senses of humor and similar personalities, but we’re also different people. I hate being friends with someone that’s identical to you – it gets boring far too soon.
A lot has gone on in my life these past few mints (I wont bore you with the details), and she has been there through everything, offering me a shoulder to cry on, a person to vent to, and a face to punch should I need it. (xD) I adore her more than words will ever, could ever describe.
She has also asked me to pass along that “I am bi for her”. True story, last night she actually said those (basically) exact words. I’m too lazy to look up the exact quote in my chat logs, but the intent was clear. So, as apparently stated by Lauren, I am bi, for her. I’m not sure when this happened, perhaps somewhere between alcohol shots and her dream last night. As long as I get mindrapes out of it, what-the-hell.
Now, In attempt to prove to Comet that she is seriously the cutest out of the two of us, I am putting in a shout out to her as well. Simply because she deserves to know just how amazing as a person she truly is.
I’ve only known Comet for a few months, but already she’s such a massive part of my day. Her random conversations, her cute little obsessions, her hilarious comments… Seriously, if I did not get my daily (or bi-daily) fix of Comet-ness, I would likely wither away and die a sad, sad human being.
She is beautiful like you would not believe, both inside and out. She makes everyone around her smile consistently, and is always kind towards anyone she meets. At the same time, she’s not scared to speak her mind or put someone in their place should they step out of line, which I truly appreciate in a person. It just adds to her cuteness. I love you, gorgeous girl. You = the cutest.
K I’m done.
Personal Quote Of The Day: “New York City has a way of making you think gigantic rats are cool and just “part of the charm.”
Picture Of The Day: Melmurby Beach, Canada.
Official Pimp
I must give out an official pimp to my fellow Canadian friend, Cloé Beaudoin who is one of the most sensational, most talented musicians I have the pleasure of knowing.
I encourage everyone to subscribe to her youtube channel, and put in some requests that you’d like to hear her sing. In the mean time, here’s a beautiful sample of her talent.
Update: Got an amazingly kind message from Cloé in regards to featuring her each week on my blog, so I decided to post it here:
That’s SO kind you Shantel! WOW!!!!!!! AWESOME! 
Thank you so so much!!! (I’ll never thank you enough…lol)
I’ll check out the Taylor Swift songs and I’ll let you know if I decide to cover her! =)
Talk to you soon,
-Cloe xoxo
Billy Burke Is Invisible
So last night I mentioned on my twitter account that I was not only watching the film Fracture staring Anthony Hopkins and Ryan Gosling, but I would be reviewing it as well. So, for those interested in my view and discussions on a random movie with two of my favorite male actors, continue reading.
The movie is about a man-cop [Billy Burke] sleeping with another mans [Hopkins] wife. Hopkins shoots his wife after following her around and finding that’s she has been unfaithful. Basically, a lawyer [Ryan Gosling] is trying to persecute Hopkins, though despite Hopkins signed confession, there just isn’t enough (or any) evidence to send Hopkins to prison. The entire film is Gosling looking for grounds to send him to jail.
The movie itself was awesome, loads of twists and surprises. Humorous in many parts, though subtly. Only smart people will catch it. Of course, one can’t help imagining Gosling as Noah (The Notebook), Hopkins as Lector (Hannibal), and Burke as Charlie (Twilight), which makes this suspense-action-thriller hilarious. To me, anyways.
Now onto a more pressing issue. Billy Burke is invisible without his ‘stache. Seriously. I had to watch the movie twice before I realized it was even him playing the man-cop. Even then, it was the opening credits that alerted me to this travesty.
Yes, ‘stache greater than no stache.
Billy Burke’s Character: “She made me feel like… like…”
Me: “Like Billy Burke without a mustache?”
K I’m done.
3.5 stars, etc.
Whore Signs & Street Corners
So I’m moving one of my websites, and a few of the members (who are also really close friends of mine) all made me little signs at one point or another over the last few months. In fear that I might lose them, I have decided to blog them for safe keeping. Don’t be jealous that five, sexy women love me enough to make me shout out signs in their downtime, and not you. (Sorry in advance @Rylee, I had to squish your picture down to make it fit properly. You’re still beautiful, regardless!)
Kia Dreams Of Me!
And Those Dreams Are M Rated, Bitches!
Comet Bounces For Me!
Kay Draws Me Phineas!
Heathyr Says I’m Her Favorite Whore!
Rylee Thinks I’m Hot!
So that’s about it. I now get to keep these beautiful bitches on my blog forever, and never lose the pretty little signs that they made me. I love you, girls.
P.S – For all the skanks that didn’t make me a fucking sign, I will END you. END, by SHANKING you in the FACE.
Just kidding.
…Not.
K I’m done.
Personal Quote Of The Day: “So how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife’s mouth before?”
Picture Of The Day: I don’t think so! You already got six^.
